Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tapi tidak hanya itu. Spirit dari Natal sendiri somehow influence my mind throughout the season. It brings you joyous holiday excitement, some romantic and melancholic feeling (whew.. agak ribet ya..). But it's true..at least for me.
Romantic? Yes.. Mungkin karena dari kecil saya sering menonton film-film natal yang genrenya romantic comedy (well what can I say.. agak jarang kan film Natal yang bertema horror or action or sci-fi) dan biasanya berakhir dengan bahagia. Actually I even think that Christmas is more romantic than Valentine. I have a little secret that someday.. just someday, I can go busy shopping for my Christmas present to my boyfriend, decorating Christmas tree, then have a romantic candle light dinner just the two of us on Christmas eve. Stay up late chatting and enjoying some nice beers (or wine, eggnog ..or even cup of tea/coffee.. well whatever..) at home and wake up in the morning beside him to surprise and be surprised with our Christmas present. Ah.. a man can dream.. haha..
Melancholic.. Maybe because this holiday is some kind of irony for me. You see, at Christmas you supposedly spend it with people that you love. People that close to your heart, Loving ones where you feel most comfortable with. And yet... if you're not that close with your family, you want to spend it with other people that you consider family. Not always by blood, but more into emotional attachment between you and that person. It could be your boyfriend, best-friends, etc. But when you're single, not too close with your family (why.. well.. we'll have some other time to talk about it) and your besties are not available... The spirit of Christmas becomes ironic to you.
Yesterday, my office just announced that we'll have year end holiday for TEN days..! I was surprised, happy but also freaking out. Ten days without any real good plan, knowing where to go or whom can I go with. In fact it's still give me creeps to think about it just now. What's wrong with me.. I supposed to be happy and excited instead of freaking out like this. I don't know bout you guys, but some might will enjoy holiday without doing nothing, alone and all. But it's just not me. Having a Christmas celebration and New Years Eve party with strangers or people whom you don't really excited to go with I guess sucks because for me, The most important thing in any Holiday is with who, the rest are just attribute. I learn now that family, boyfriend or friends are sooo damn important in this situation, so get one! Make friends as many as you can get throughout the year.. find a date or even a boyfriend at least several months before Holiday season.. and make plans as early as you can.. hahaha.. so you won't end up don't know what you will do in this precious holiday.... alone...
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is... You
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Being single at my age.. Yes, it would be kinda hard to imagine a regular-relaxing-fun-for-single-guy activity in weekend (haha..). Jalan-jalan, belanja, nonton sendirian? hmm..might fun for couple weeks, but if it keep continue that way, do you think it'll still be fun? I can't say it goes for all of us. Cos, yeah we still have friends, even better other single friends, etc. But when you're 28, how many new friends you made and becoming close to you in this past year?
When we were in high school, college or even working as a first jobber, usually we went out as groups. Ingatkah kita masa-masa dimana kita suka memesan ke mbak-mbak XXI (dulu Blitz blum ada jaman saya waktu itu haha) tiket nonton untuk satu row full karena kita selalu hang out ramai-ramai? Atau mungkin berkonvoi ria ke luar kota dan menikmati weekend bersama teman-teman? Then as you grow older, teman-teman kita mulai saling memisahkan diri dan bergabung dengan pasangan-pasangannya masing-masing untuk "quality time" dan kita mulai agak kelabakan mencari mereka. Memang bukan berarti hang out bersama group menjadi mutlak hilang, namun frekuensinya tentu tidak seperti dahulu. We can no longer count on to our friends to spend the weekend together. The worst case is you become the "plus one", means that you hang out with your friend and his/her dates and you become the "plus". Kinda sucks right if it happens all the time? haha..
You might wanna think to find some regular activities for your weekend. When I share my current situation to my best friend, she said, "Go find some activities, take a course..umm..French Class? Join some Hobby Club". Saya sebenarnya cukup setuju dengan ide-ide semacam ini, walaupun sebenarnya saya ragu, apakah hal ini bisa benar-benar menyelesaikan masalah saya. You see, the thought of knowing that in weekend somewhere out there people are like going out with their dates, giving a chance for their love luck while you're stuck in a class learning French language.. well those Bonjour, J'taime and all doesn't sound sexy anymore right? Walaupun di satu sisi, bisa jadi juga kita somehow bertemu dengan calon pasangan kita di tempat-tempat tersebut.
Well the point is maybe how you deal with the loneliness. Not physically, but more into into your mind consciousness. Practically, weekend terkadang menjadi sebuah dilema. Di satu sisi kita senang harus lepas dari rutinitas pekerjaan yang membuat stress. Namun di sisi lain, muncul kengerian akan apa yang bakal kita alami ketika weekend. Jari-jari mulai gatal untuk me-message orang-orang baik sesama teman jomblo ataupun list gebetan kita, sehingga kita tidak sendirian ketika weekend. Actually we might don't have any problem spending time alone during weekend. But spending it with lonely feeling. That's what's killing.. at least in my case.
I could find so many other excuses and blame my current situation to make me keep being single now, but it's kinda unfair don't you think? However, being 28 and single, well you can do lots of things you might couldn't back when you were young. Traveling to whenever you want with your own money without needing your parents approval. Buying stuffs like you couldn't afford before and many other things we can do when we are a grown ups and single. After all, every situation has two sides of a coin right? (but still.. just feel free to bitch about it in the comment box below haha...)
So, in the mean time, mungkin saya hanya ingin membuka segala kemungkinan yang terjadi dalam kehidupan saya saat ini. Being single or not actually is only part of the process that should happen in my life. I won't deny that it sucks and sometimes frustrating. I don't want to lose hope too, cos deep inside I do believe that someday somewhere along the way I might have someone for me whom I can love and be loved. But if the obsession is getting annoying and stressful in daily basis (and that includes every weekend for the rest of the year), do you think it's still worth it?
Somewhere along the way when I write this post, I found this quote which kinda motivate me not to let down for being single at the moment "I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves." - Shirley MacLaine
Have a great night you..
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Contohnya teman saya. Beberapa waktu yang lalu dia baru saja putus dengan pacarnya. Mereka sempat tinggal bersama selama tiga tahun. Selama berpacaran, mereka tinggal bersama dan somehow teman saya ini bertindak sebagai "the provider" karena pacarnya tidak memiliki pekerjaan tetap. Ketika mereka putus, teman saya baru mendapati, tidak cuma patah hati yang dia dapatkan namun juga tanggungan hutang mantannya senilai 60 juta rupiah plus tagihan telepon selularnya senilai 9 juta rupiah yang harus dia tanggung. Saya tidak bertanya detil mengenai kejadiannya. Namun dia bercerita bahwa sampai sekarang dia masih menyicil sisanya senilai 15 juta yang harus dibayarkan. Bisakah anda bayangkan bagaimana perasaan teman saya itu? Tidak cuma menanggung sakitnya patah hati namun juga hutang mantan?
Well, mungkin yang kita alami tidak se-ekstrim kejadian teman saya tadi, tapi pada dasarnya sama. Mungkin foto-foto, video-video liburan, hadiah-hadiah, barang-barang mantan yang masih ada di rumah kita atau sebaliknya, sampai ke hal-hal simple seperti nama panggilan di contact list kita. I call it "Post Break-up Clean-up". Ketika beberapa waktu lalu saya putus, hal-hal ini merupakan hal-hal yang menurut saya cukup berat dilakukan, terlebih lagi kalau kita putus baik-baik atau putus dalam keadaan anda masih sangat mencintai dia. Doing the Post Break-up Clean-up sucks. Yang saya rasakan sih setiap mendelete foto-foto itu saya seperti dipaksa untuk mengubur dan mengikhlaskan dia hilang dari kehidupan saya. Saya jadi bertanya, apakah sebenarnya hal ini penting? Apakah hal ini sebenarnya bisa membantu saya untuk bisa move on? It's so funny how a picture or a nickname can be very meaningful to us. I'm suddenly wondering, that maybe somehow is it what actually we're investing on a relationship? All those memories and things from the past for our future?
Mungkin Post Break-up Clean-up ini hanyalah sebuah attribut ketika kita putus dengan pacar kita. Namun yang paling penting menurut saya adalah bagaimana kita mengikhlaskan bahwa dia sudah tidak bersama dengan kita. Dia bukan untuk kita dan kita bukan untuk dia. Being sincere and forgiving is the key to move on, at least that's what I thought in mind.
Paranoia-paranoia pasti akan selalu muncul, seperti, "Kapan lagi bisa dapet orang seperti dia?", "I would never love like I love him ever again", "No one will ever love me like he did". Well.. Saya tidak bisa bilang bahwa itu bohong dan lebay belaka, karena mungkin saja hal itu akan terjadi. Namun, toh akhirnya tidak akan mengubah kenyataan apa-apa bahwa dia bukan milik anda lagi dan tidak ada jaminan bahwa kalian akan bersama di masa depan. So pilihannya cuma dua. Move on or Dwell?
I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I do want to share this quote every time I break up with someone. "If you think like the past, see like the past, talk like the past and live like the past, good guys from the future will hard to find you. And hey.. remember the good one maybe gone, but the best is yet to come!"
Have a great evening everyone!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Baru saja dua minggu yang lalu saya diputuskan oleh pasangan saya yang sudah jalan selama 2 bulan ini. Percaya tidak percaya, biasanya firasat bahwa hubungan kita akan berakhir biasanya sering muncul sebelumnya. At least dalam kasus saya. Alasan saya diputusin simple sebenarnya. He's just not into me. Penyampaian yang diungkapkan ketika diputusin memang bisa sejuta kata dan bahasa, namun intinya tetap sama.
The worst part of being dumped is, it brings your self esteem to the lowest point, feeling unwanted and all. Apalagi ketika kita sudah mati-matian berusaha memperjuangkan sebuah hubungan, eeeh ternyata si dia menyerah. Marah, tidak terima, sakit hati, kecewa dan semua sinonimnya bercampur aduk menjadi satu. Anyway, when you're just not that into someone, do you think if you give it some time, somehow time will transform your heart to love him eventually? If yes.. how long do you think will it take?
Semalam teman saya berkomentar ketika dia mengetahui bahwa saya baru 2 bulan jalan ketika putus. "Yahh.. baru dua bulan mah ga papa kaleeee.. kirain udah brapa lama..." begitu komentarnya. Then I suddenly wondered, why do people always think a quality of a relationship based on how long the relationship last? Well, in my point of view that's not always true. Menurut saya seberapa banyak hal-hal termasuk hati, pikiran, tenaga, waktu, memori dan lain sebagainya diinvestasikan di hubungan itulah yang membuat seberapa dalam kualitas sebuah hubungan tidak peduli berapa lama kita berhubungan. Saya ingat sekali ketika saya pernah berada di semacam Holiday Retreat, saya bertemu dengan orang baru disana. Acara tersebut hanya berlangsung selama 3 hari saja, namun bond antara saya dan teman saya sangatlah kuat saat itu. We spent like breakfast, lunch and dinner together... Talked about many things and feel connected. Ketika acara selesai dan kami harus kembali ke kota masing-masing, it felt like something is missing (agak lebay memang haha). Perasaan yang agak mirip ketika kita kehilangan orang yang kita sayang, padahal helloo.. I might barely knew that person right? So, I think that when you meet the right person (at least you think you've met), it doesn't take a month, a year or even a decade to actually prove a quality of a relationship.
When we get dumped..I think the only thing we need to do is just to face the truth, deal with it, move on and get on with life. The question would be.. "How?" and "How long?" or in the worst case mungkin ada yang bertanya "Should I? Why Should I?", "What if he's the one?" Well things come with its consequences, I must say. The worst thing is you can dwell in the broken heart situation as long as you like but you may lose the opportunity of some new guy to meet you. But I believe human have the ability to cope and survive on every situation regardless how or how long will it take.
Well about me, umm.. I think I'll deal with getting dumped by writing blog and talk about all the craziness, questions and all inside my head.
Good luck in getting over him..
PS : I always love this quotes when I got dumped, "Life is too short to waste your time trying to get people to like love or care for you. If they can't love you for you then it's their loss. You may just lose someone who just not love you anyway, but he loses someone who really love him."
Why men? Simply because I love them.. People said that men is less complicated than women. Well I don't really think it's true.. I've dealt with so many men with with all their complications. Especially with men these days. So.. you'll see. About Love and Relationship? Hmm.. these two things that I'm learning recently, especially this past year.
I live in Jakarta now. Usually every night, when I'm all done with work and all that, in my bed ready to close the day, all those thoughts, reflections, contemplations come inside my head. That's why I name this blog a Midnight in Jakarta.
Hope you all will enjoy my blog. I would write in mixed language, Bahasa Indonesia and English. Cos I think there are some sentences that would be so hard to be explain in Bahasa and vice versa. :)